i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
