oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
