Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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