4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
