I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
