i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
