I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
