were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
