We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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