awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
