this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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