i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize