this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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