We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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