it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
