Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
