doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
