btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
