i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize