I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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