i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
