i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
