Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
