I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
