idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
