i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
