I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
