Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
