The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
