your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Found your dick twin last night
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
