I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
