Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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