i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
