All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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