If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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