If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
