do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
His nipple licking is glorious
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