i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
