it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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