I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
then he tried to convert me to islam
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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