I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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