do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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