I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
