god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
