matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
