How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
