You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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