I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Alive.
So much puke
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
