I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
