its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
