problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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