Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
