Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
