Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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