I'm jealous of your bromance
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
