God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
