Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
