and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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