your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
