if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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