is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
