Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
