I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
