What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
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