Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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