Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
