dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Girls should come with a carfax report
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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