I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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