I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
