I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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