Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
