i think my mom watched the whole time
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
